This dating world is something else! For the first time in my adult life I am not in a committed relationship and getting back on the dating scene has been a mess and a half. Not only am I not used to dating in the social media era but this new “situationship” business is so ridiculous. I don’t know if it’s this city or I’m just super rusty and have no game anymore or maybe it’s just men in general. I really don’t know but I do know the stories I’ve heard are absurd. And I know my friends and I are not the only ones going through this. We regularly discuss dating fails and let me just say…The State of the Dating Union is really dim. We have had men with no teeth show up on dates, men with MULTIPLE baby mamas, men with secret girlfriends, men who can barely hold a conversation and my personal favorite…the man who “forgot” his wallet.
I just cannot. After hearing the horror stories, I really had to be convinced to even venture out on a date with anyone and when I finally decided to give it a shot, I also decided to approach dating differently than most. I decided to multidate.
Yes, that is correct. Play the field, date multiple men, enjoy myself and not get too caught up in the games. After reading The Defining Decade and going through my recent period of personal growth, I just feel like I don’t have time for #wastehertime or #wastehistime for that matter. I would rather get to know multiple people and eventually narrow it down to someone I feel is worth my time. Men get to do it all the time, so can we.
Now multidating can be dangerous when emotions get involved so there a couple things one should keep in mind:
Be Honest. When you are not exclusively dating, what you do with your time is your business. However, the question will eventually come up if you’re dating anyone else. Don’t dodge the question. Be upfront, vague and to the point. “Yes, I don’t want anything exclusive right now.” Be firm about not giving any details about who else you are seeing and be prepared that not everyone will take it well. That’s the name of the game and you shouldn’t feel bad for dropping him if he isn’t okay with it. In my experience, being honest appealed to their competitive side and actually made them step their game up.
Keep Yourself In Check. Dating comes with emotions on both parts. If you are not looking to be exclusive, he probably isn’t either so you can’t be upset if you notice that he’s dating other people too. I’m super emotional and I wear my emotions on my sleeve (and my face) so this can be a little tricky for me. If you feel a little jealousy coming on, check yourself and realize that changing the situation means asking for exclusivity. You can’t date other people if he can’t. It’s a classic don’t hate the player hate the game situation.
Schedule Strategically. I am all about booking multiple dates in one day. Lunch with X, Happy Hour with Y, Dinner and Dessert with Z. The whole point of this is to have fun so do exactly that. Don’t limit yourself to one guy a day if you feel comfortable enough to do it. My advice however is to space it all out enough so there is no overlap. I like some time between dates to decompress, refresh my makeup, maybe fill the girls in on what went down, even change my outfit if I see fit. It helps me with my confidence and mindset that way but do what feels comfortable to you.
Now I know the biggest question people have about multidating is sex. Do you have sex with everyone you’re dating? Should you even have sex at all? All I know is you have to do what is right for you. My advice is no matter what you decide: Be safe! Keep your own condom stash, make sure your birth control is in order and get tested regularly.
Multidating has been working out great for me. Sure there have been some run-ins with not so great guys and I have some Love & Hip Hop style stories to tell but I’ve met some great guys too. Going with the flow and staying true to myself is the name of the game for me right now and I LOVE IT. I recommend multidating to everyone. Try it out, it’s worth it.
I would love to hear your opinions about and experiences with multidating. Comment below, send me a private message via the contact page or tweet me @cocktailswithk.